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Nuts Tuesday, Aug 9, 2005 11:18 am

Putting nuts in food is just about as useful as using rocks or Brussels sprouts.  Whenever I bite into a brownie or a cookie with peanuts or almonds, I want to spit it in the face of the person who made them.  What a great way to ruin a perfectly good food.  Or those little chocolates with coconut filling?  Disgusting!  It's always a gamble when you bite into them.  Will I get nougat?  Will I get caramel?  Or will I get the despised and wretched coconut?  Sometimes I like to buy those packages of dried fruit.  But I always try to stay away from the mixes that have big ugly almonds floating around.  They destroy the entire package.  They get all up in everyone's business.  You take a handful and chew on some nice soft dried fruit, but then all of a sudden you bite down on this object that doesn't quite fit the bill.  I've been known to eat everything but the nuts.  On a positive note, I do eat peanut M&M's.  I think they're acceptable.  And I also like trail mix made with raisins and peanuts.  It's probably because I know what I'm getting into.  I can see them in my hand before I put them in my mouth.  But with cookies and brownies, it's like I'm being deceived.  Like you're trying to give me poison by putting it in a friendly little package.  It's like giving medicine to a cat or dog:  you have to mix it in with their other food so they're tricked into eating it.  Screw you, nut people!  You won't trick me!

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Hi, my name is Dave Hosier, and this website is where I write my unfounded opinions on trivial matters. Feel free to look around, but please refrain from reading anything.

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