Cheerleaders Jan 8, 2006
I think we can all agree that cheerleaders are the worst part of football.  Actually, I know most people don't agree with me, especially guys (and maybe some unusual girls).  But I'll go on the record and say I can't stand them and I wish they weren't there.  They obviously add nothing to the actual game of football; they're merely there to entertain fans.  I just wish I could watch a single thing on TV or in a movie that didn't try to appeal to my libido. 

Whoever came up with the idea was pretty smart.  I think every man's subliminal fantasy is to have beautiful women in skimpy clothing applaud everything he does.  It obviously goes for sex appeal.  But it gets at another big thing:  acceptance/reassurance/ego/pride/admiration.  This is one of the 5 basic needs mentioned in His Needs, Her Needs (mentioned in Devotions for Couples on Google Book Search). 

I just found out that the New York Giants don't have cheerleaders.  I'm amazed.  I never realized it.  I looked it up and found that several NFL teams don't have cheerleaders:  New York Giants, New York Jets, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Cleveland Browns.  Most of these teams are in cold weather areas, but that didn't stop the New England Patriots.  I applaud these teams for not having cheerleaders.  Just play the stupid game. #sports
Ice skating Jan 7, 2006
I went ice skating last night with Wendy.  It was a "date".

It turns out that I approach ice skating the same way I approach snowboarding and, unfortunately, driving.  My sole objective is to pass whoever is in front of me.  But I think it's more than just a self-preservation mechanism (meaning I do it for my own safety).  It's a game.  I weave in and out and pass people left and right.  It's my own little competition.  I do it while traveling on a sheet of cold, rock-hard ice with blades of metal strapped to my feet.  I do it while speeding down a snow-covered mountain with a piece of plastic strapped to my feet.  And I do it on a paved road while inside a big metal/plastic box.  This practice seems ok with ice skating and snowboarding, but I'm thinking driving might not be the best thing to treat like a game. #sports
Sportscasters Oct 11, 2005
I like watching NFL.  I like the energy and the testosterone, and I really like the lazy Sunday afternoons.  But I hate announcers and their stupid statistics.  "The Eagles haven't won a game by more than 2 points when they've been down by 14 points after the first 2 minutes of the second quarter."  Wow, that's great.  So much information in such a useful sentence.  Thanks, people like Joe Buck.  Now I can stop watching that game because I know exactly what's gonna happen.  Thanks.  Idiot. 

There's this other thing that happens that really gets to me:  Right at the end of the second quarter, when everybody's going to the locker room and some sportscaster interviews one of the players or coaches, they all ask the same stupid questions:  "How do you feel about your performance in the first half?"  "We had a tough first half.  We made a few mistakes but had a few nice plays.  The key to the second half will be to come out and play some good football, make fewer mistakes and score some more points."  Wow.  Once again, so much information in such a powerful sentence.  But I can't really blame the players or the coaches.  They give the right answer.  It's those dumb sportscasters who ask the same stupid questions all the time.  What do you think their game plan is gonna be?  "We'll stop running and passing the ball and just depend on special teams and defense."  Why don't sportscasters instead ask, "What's your favorite color?  How many kittens do you think you could eat at one time?  What's your least favorite word?"  I think these questions would be more useful than the stupid nonsense that currently comes dribbling out of their mouths. #sports
Statue of Liberty (1) Sep 19, 2005
When I was about 9 years old, I was the quarterback for the "ponies" team, the youngest branch of Kittatinny Midget Football.  It was my first year playing organized football, and for some reason the higher-ups thought it would be a good idea to make me the quarterback.  This happens to be the precise reason I no longer play football.  Being the quarterback puts too much pressure on a single person, especially a self-conscious little 70-pound child.  Our coach Darren (who dipped and whose breath smelled like feces as a result) liked to introduce new plays in the middle of the game.  We would practice certain plays all week at practice, but then sometimes he'd throw something in during the game that would otherwise be easy, but wound up being a huge failure because I knew nothing about football.  So on one fateful Sunday afternoon, we tried the Statue of Liberty play.  The idea was for me to get the ball and pretend I was going to pass it.  As I stood in the passing position, the running back was supposed to grab the ball out of my hand and run with it.  The defense would be thrown off because it looked like a pass but was actually a run.  Me in a statue-like stance:  Statue of Liberty.  Brilliant. 

I tend to follow directions pretty well.  When I'm told to do something, I usually do it.  Or at least that's what I did when I was 9.  I trusted the people who told me to do things, and I trusted the people on my football team.  So I thought hey, I'll do my part, other people will do their part, and it'll all be good. 

We exited the huddle.  I approached the center.  I got the snap.  I took a few steps back and entered the passing position.  And I waited.  And I waited some more.  I saw a defensive guy running towards me.  I figured heh.  This guy has no idea what's happening.  He'll try to get me but then be totally faked out.  So I waited some more.  And then the moment arrived.  My opponent crushed my frail little body into the hard turf, causing me to fumble the ball and give up on life. 

Pretend you're holding a football as if you were throwing a pass.  You're standing up straight with one arm behind your head.  Your other arm might be slightly away from your body as leverage.  It turns out that you're pretty vulnerable.  So when this bigger 9-year-old hit me, he hit me.  I probably cried because that's what you do when you're 9. 

After the game (and still to this day), my dad asked, "Why didn't you move when you saw the guy running at you?"  My answer:  That wasn't part of the play.  Nowhere in Darren's 30-second explanation did he say to evade a defender if under attack.  I was told that someone would take the ball from my hand.  I did my part.  What happened to that guy?  He got confused or something.  He forgot.  Oops.  Sorry, Dave.  Sorry your little ribs are broken and you have a concussion from hitting your little head on the ground so hard.  And thus another reason I don't play football anymore:  the people I was relying on for my physical well-being weren't exactly up to par in the intelligence category. #sports
Sports Sep 11, 2005
I live in the "New York Metropolitan area".  Actually, I live about 45 miles from NYC.  That sounds close.  It's not really.  But what sports teams are on my local TV stations?  The Mets, Yankees, Jets, Giants, etc.  I think it's weird that "the people who control what's on TV" only show the local teams.  What if I don't like the Giants (which I don't)?  Why should I pay more money for NFL Sunday Gameday just to watch the game I want?  (Note:  I think on-demand stuff will soon take over all media and we'll only see/hear what we choose.  Or maybe that's just my fantasy.)  And the other weird thing is that a lot of people in these metropolitan areas like the local team.  It's like our choices in sports teams are decided by our geographical location.  I guess it goes along with the whole "Root, root, root for the home team" but it's still sorta weird.  Think about your favorite sports team.  Even though a lot of us don't live where we grew up (not that there's anything wrong with that if you do), it turns out that our favorite teams are the local teams from where we grew up.  For me, I like who my dad liked.  And it's still that way.  Another funny thing about this is that we hate certain teams and even whole entire cities based on sporting events which may have happened years and years ago.  I won't even mention the Red Socks/Yankees rivalry, except to say that a vendor in Boston was selling a shirt that said, "I hate Jeeter.  I hate Rodriguez.  I hate..." and it had the name of every single Yankees player.  It's a sensitive issue.  I think of the city of Dallas, home to the Dallas Cowboys.  I hate the Cowboys and always will, simply because they used to be good in the 90s and they always beat my favorite team.  I feel the same way about the Atlanta Braves.  Weird. #sports
Ping pong Jun 28, 2005
Several days each week during lunchtime, a ping pong table is set up in one of the rooms at work and some people play.  Guess what people.  Asians.  I can't make this stuff up. #sports