Resident pessimist Jul 28, 2017
I received one of the highest compliments the other day from a coworker.  She called me the "resident pessimist" of our organization.  This sounds like a negative thing, and it sort of is.  But to me it's incredibly positive. 

I've kind of always been a negative person.  I like to think of myself as a realist or a pragmatist, but this often comes across as negativity.  This bothered me for a while, most notably during my conservative Christian years, because negativity seemed sort of out-of-character for a modern Christian.  Plus, negativity is generally viewed as unfavorable in relationships and social settings. 

But after my emergence from religion, I settled on the personal philosophy of just being myself, which included embracing my negativity.  I'm not negative about everything; I enjoy some things, and I like some people.  But if someone is being overly enthusiastic about something they have no experience with (which happens at my job all the time) or making ridiculous claims that have no basis in physical reality, I have no problem raining on their parade with cold hard facts.  In fact, I enjoy it.  Being ruthlessly pragmatic to the point of negativity is sort of how I was born to be.  I'm finally ok with that, and it feels good to be recognized for it. #psychology
On trigger warnings Apr 18, 2017
On the Media did an interview a while back with Cornell professor Kate Manne discussing the positive aspects of trigger warnings: 
KATE MANNE:  Mm, I mean, the reason I give trigger warnings is I'm teaching material that traditionally people have been protected from in the academy. There is very little discussion, say, of misogyny and sexual assault in Philosophy until feminist philosophers began to introduce those topics. So it's not obvious to me that this is really about coddling, so much as that's an expression of resentment to extending basic consideration and kindness to people when, in fact, new and more challenging topics are under discussion.

BROOKE GLADSTONE:  The weird thing is that the banner of academic freedom has been picked up by both sides of this discussion.

KATE MANNE:  Yeah.

BROOKE GLADSTONE:  What I see is the creation of an environment where it is the professors that are being curtailed in their speech.

KATE MANNE:  Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people who historically have been very privileged are feeling unfree because members of historically subordinated groups are freer to morally criticize their statements.
I haven't encountered trigger warnings in real life, so I have mixed feelings.  But like any issue these days, most people have simply followed the lead of their political party to determine their stance without actually thinking about it.  This interview presented a pretty rational viewpoint. #psychology
Rooting for underdogs Nov 16, 2016
I support underdogs.  I support people who are categorically marginalized, who have been at the receiving end of unfair treatment throughout history.  I support gay people, immigrants, brown people, women.  People who feel they were born the wrong gender.  People with different brain chemistry than my own. 

I haven't always felt this way.  I feel naturally inclined to reject people who are different.  Get over your problems.  Just be normal.  Figure it out. 

But something shifted in my thinking a few years back.  It wasn't a specific moment or event.  It was more a gradual realization:  People aren't different because they want to be.  Nobody asked to be born gay, or black.  Nobody wakes up one day and decides they want a sex change operation for the hell of it.  Depression and anxiety aren't hobbies people pick up because they want attention. 

With very few exceptions, people are different because they're different.  That's it.  They didn't ask for it.  And to reject them for being different, or for being "unnatural", or for being "gross" is just ridiculous.  Imagine someone rejecting you for your gender, or for your nationality.  You didn't ask for those things.  In fact, you had no say in those things.  You're a victim of your birth. 

For me, the opposite of rejecting people isn't ignoring people.  It's championing people.  It's rooting for the underdog.  I don't have the same experiences as a black person who's dealt with racism.  I don't have the same experiences as a person who feels they were born the wrong gender.  It may even be a little weird for me to imagine.  But I'm compelled to trust the people who say they're marginalized, instead of assuming they're all liars.  I just think people should be treated fairly and equally, regardless of whatever makes them different. #psychology
Borders Sep 7, 2016
When I was a teenager, I assumed command of the family's lawn-mowing responsibilities.  That was fine and all, but what I really liked was using a weed whacker to make nice clean edges along the sidewalk.  There's just something appealing to me about a well-defined border between two separate spaces.  This is the grass, and this is the sidewalk; here is where one ends and one begins. 

This idea has carried over into my adult life in a different way.  I currently have a beard, and it's a little ridiculous and unkempt, but I always make sure I clean up the edges.  Clean lines and borders give the illusion of order, despite the fact that I haven't fully shaved in several months. 

I was reminded of my affinity for borders on my recent trip to the jungles of Peru.  I didn't necessarily mind walking around in mosquito-ridden forests or trying to avoid the glowing eyes of spiders hanging from overhead palm leaves.  But spending two nights in an open-air cabana with mosquito nets over the beds was more than unpleasant.  It wasn't simply bad in and of itself; it was bad because there was no difference between outside and inside.  The border was weak, as evidenced by the bats flying around in the bathroom. 

Taking this a step further, I think this is why I tend to form strong opinions fairly easily.  I like when things are black or white, right or wrong, winner or loser.  It makes it easier for me to group ideas and to see a difference between sides.  Unfortunately, most of life consists of borderless, edgeless gray areas.  I need to learn to live with messiness. #psychology
On progress Mar 16, 2016
I guess I'm a progressive.  I say "I guess" because it's hard for me to imagine being the opposite, i.e. regressive.  What's the final outcome of moving backwards from progress?  Living in caves, crawling back into the sea, and being subsumed into the Big Crunch?  It literally makes no sense to me.  In fact many regressive ideas make no sense to me: 
  • Opposing gay marriage?  I think gay people should be allowed to legally marry, because the alternative is arbitrary, benefits no one, and hurts many.
  • Anti-abortion?  I think people should have control over their own bodies, and I think abortion should be legal.  The alternative is state control over personal freedom, which I've been led to believe is a bad thing.
  • Anti-immigration?  I think people fleeing war should be treated like people who might be criminals, instead of criminals who might be people.
I haven't always been progressive.  I used to be conservative, which is a belief system that wants everything to remain the way it is, or the way it was, or the way it used to be thousands of years ago.  Thousands of years ago, we didn't know the concept of zero.  We used to own people as property.  We used to publicly execute people whom we believed to be practitioners of witchcraft and magic.  These are all ideas that we progressed out of, rightfully so. 

Progress is sort of unavoidable.  When machines made farming and manufacturing more efficient, if you didn't jump on the bandwagon, you went out of business.  When germs were discovered to cause illness, if you didn't wash your hands, you died of dysentery.  Progress is often called a march, i.e. it's happening whether you join in or not. 

I'm a progressive not because I necessarily have benevolent feelings towards my fellow man or benevolent feelings at all.  I'm a progressive because regressivism is a ridiculous alternative and a dying ideal. #psychology
Receiving gifts Mar 8, 2016
Let me just come out and say it:  I don't like receiving gifts.  I know that makes me a terrible, selfish person who is incapable of enjoying the well-meaning benevolence of others.  Oh well.  At least I'm honest. 

At first, it was about money.  I didn't like the fact that someone was spending money on me, because gift-giving is largely a social convention that's often a de facto obligation.  That's why there are gift exchanges.  You get a gift, but you also have to give a gift.  We all like to pretend that's not the case.  Go on, keep pretending. 

I've realized some people just honestly like giving gifts.  It makes them feel better, which is an oddly selfish form of generosity.  But I try not to think about that, or the fact that they probably can't afford it, or how many more worthy things they could be spending their money on.  People enjoy spending their money, for better or worse. 

Getting past the financial aspect of it, there's the practical aspect:  If I want something, I'll probably buy it myself.  I have a job, and I make money.  I buy the things I want.  If I haven't bought something, it probably means I don't want it.  There are exceptions to this rule, and most of those exceptions are consumables.  Honestly, buy me all the chocolate and whiskey you want.  I'm fine with that.  But don't buy me a large appliance.  Don't buy me a decorative object that doesn't serve a purpose.  Yes, I have a house with lots of empty space at the moment.  No, that doesn't mean I want to fill it with somebody else's ideas. 

I know, I know.  First world problems.  But that's how I feel. #psychology
Opinions vs. preferences Dec 29, 2015
I posted on Facebook, "Feel bad about your opinions; don't feel bad about your preferences."  I feel it requires an explanation. 

People have opinions about everything, usually involving entertainment, consumables, or even facts.  "Mad Men is a high quality TV show."  "Budweiser is a fairly crappy beer."  Opinions can be based on facts, or they can be based on non-facts.  "All Muslims are bad."  "Global warming is a hoax."  The first part of my Facebook post was basically saying that if your opinions are based on ignorance or misinformation, you should feel bad about them.  The fact that "they're just opinions" doesn't negate the fact that they're wrong, or stupid.  If your opinions are stupid, you're stupid.  Stupid. 

But preferences are another matter.  A preference is what happens when you recognize a fact, and it doesn't change your mind.  You can recognize that Budweiser is a crappy beer, but you can still buy it and enjoy it because it's your preference.  I enjoy fine whiskeys, but I never turn my nose up at Jack Daniels, even if it's widely recognized as inferior.  The second part of my Facebook post was saying that people shouldn't feel bad about preferences, because preferences can't be wrong.  Preferences also can't be applied to facts.  You can have an opinion about facts, but you can't say you have a preference one way or the other. 

This comes up a lot with wine and whiskey.  I have certain preferences for things, and I like to share my purchases with other people.  But I always say, "Don't feel bad if you don't like it."  I'm not offended if your preference doesn't match my own.  In fact, you could even say your preference really isn't even your choice.  It just is what it is. #psychology
No simple issues Dec 16, 2015
I find myself feeling decreasingly sure of my position on most issues.  Confidence and assuredness are generally seen as positive qualities, so in the past I've often established my personal stance about something, then derided the other side as ignorant blowhards.  I still do that now, but I sit the fence more often.  My history teacher in high school told me that fence-sitting is bad when you're writing a persuasive essay.  Well Mr. Garbarini, it turns out many things aren't that simple. 

There are refugees from the Middle East.  We should let them in because we're nice.  No, we should reject them because they might be bad people.  I was initially very far on the left side of this issue, but then some people killed some people, and that moved me a little farther right.  I still think we should value human life by helping people in need, but I also don't feel like dying because some asshole thinks the world should burn.  People who are firmly on one side of the issue or the other tend to not be looking at the whole situation.  And it gets messy because these are human beings we're talking about, not endangered toads or kale. 

Some people are too poor to pay their water bill.  We should cut off service because that's how things work.  No, we should still provide service because it's water.  This isn't simple.  The logical part of me says, "No pay, no service."  But again, these are human beings, and this is water, not cable TV or a cell phone.  I wish I had a more concise opinion about this. 

I just realized I'm dealing with cognitive dissonance here.  I'm holding two opposing views in my head at the same time, which is why I'm uncomfortable about it all.  It's much easier to simply choose a side and stick with it.  I envy that ability right now.  Instead I get to have a mixed opinion about something and feel bad about it, both because I have a mixed opinion, and because both sides of the issue are messy.  Argh. #psychology
Life-changing Nov 12, 2015
I've had a few experiences in life which have changed me from that point forward.  Some of them seem almost trivial to call life-changing, but they literally altered the way I viewed or approached situations.  Here are some of them: 
  1. Harry Potter books.  These books introduced me to literary fiction.  Before reading them in my late 20s, I mostly read non-fiction books and whatnot.  I read obligatory fiction in high school and hated all of it, feeling completed disinterested in any character or plot.  For whatever reason, Harry Potter changed that.  Its mix of approachable language, compelling storytelling, relatable characters, and complementary movies literally changed my life.  Now I read fiction for fun.
  2. NFL RedZone Channel.  I used to watch football in a love-hate way:  The local team, on the local channels, filled with commercials and boring gameplay.  The RedZone channel plays only the exciting parts of every single game.  I went from watching a few hours interspersed on a Sunday afternoon, to seven straight hours of commercial-free action.  It literally changed how I watch football.
  3. All-wheel drive.  My old two-wheel-drive car used to get stuck in my own (flat) driveway.  Plans were changed because my car couldn't make it in less-than-ideal driving conditions.  With all-wheel drive, I can literally drive in the snow.  I've passed cars on snow-covered, hilly roads, spinning their tires, as I effortlessly drive through it.  It's literally changed when I can drive and how much bad weather I can drive through.
  4. Destiny.  This video game was given to me as a gift, and I wasn't that into it at first.  It's a first person shooter with a mediocre storyline, but it's designed by people who understand human psychology.  There are elements of collecting, time-specific quests, and compelling personal challenges that get players to spend more and more time (and money).  I used to play a video game until I beat it in 20 or so hours.  I've spent something like 100 times as long on this game, and I'm still going.  It's ridiculous to think about, but this game has literally changed the way I live my life and play games.
#psychology
Hard work vs. reality Oct 14, 2015
We like to tell young people that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.  You can be anything, accomplish anything, as long as you put your best effort and your hardest work into it. 

This is all obviously false.  It's good to encourage young people, because it sets their standards high and motivates them to succeed.  But in reality, you can't be anything.  You should still try hard, and dream big, and work for it.  But there's a really high chance you won't be an astronaut.  You almost certainly won't be a professional athlete, no matter how much you practice.  You probably can't be a professional musician, because you'll die of starvation before you get your first record deal. 

And that's just statistics, i.e. a very small proportion of people who try to become these things actually succeed.  There's also the idea of innate talent.  Some people are born with certain talents that enable them to do certain things.  Some people are born without those talents.  They might be able to work hard to get up to the level of a person born with that talent, but chances are, they'll still be behind the curve because they didn't win the genetic lottery. 

This idea occurred to me admittedly somewhat recently in life -- the idea that I might not be able to accomplish everything I set my mind to.  Two recent examples are embarrassingly trivial, but kay-suh-rah.  The first is bodybuilding.  I've always been a skinny person; it's genetic.  But I've also always been moderately athletic, both from genes and from practice.  I've always wanted to develop bigger muscles, and I've never had much success.  I was told it was my weightlifting style.  I improved it.  I was told it was my diet.  I changed it.  I was told it was calories, carbs, protein type, specific exercises, amount of weight, number of reps, etc.  I've done lots of different things to build strong muscles, and I've completely failed, aside from some slight increases in the amount of weight I can lift.  I've finally stumbled to the conclusion that I'm not genetically built to be a big, strong, muscular person like all the other people at the gym.  That sucks, but at least I've reached a conclusion and can stop being disappointed by my lack of progress. 

The other example is video games.  I've been playing a lot of player-vs-player (as opposed to player-vs-enemy) games, and I'm routinely worse than any of my teammates or opponents.  Even after a lot of hard work and practice, I still lagged behind most people.  Like weightlifting, I came to realize that certain people are just better than me.  In technical terms, they probably have faster reaction timing, better quick-twitch muscle control, and things like that.  It doesn't matter how much I play or how hard I work at it, I likely just won't be as good as other people.  Again, that's disheartening.  But at least I have an explanation for my mediocrity.  And that's better than failure. #psychology