Judging books Oct 20, 2009
I've heard it's not a good idea to judge a book by its cover.  That's why I've recently started judging books by their first few pages.  Is that fair?  I don't know, but it's at least better than simply looking at cover art and reading the quotes from famous people.  What's the alternative?  Depending on other people's reviews?  Perhaps you missed the news:  People are stupid, and their opinions are wrong.  That's why they made a sequel to Transformers.  But seriously, if a book can't capture my attention in the first few pages, it's not worth reading.  As Wendy likes to say, "Life's too short to read a bad book." #entertainment
Behind the mirror Oct 15, 2009
I was standing at the sink in the bathroom at work yesterday, fixing my makeup or whatever it is I do at the sink in the bathroom at work, when a guy at a nearby urinal said something to me. 

Before I continue, can we please, as a society, as a group of grown adult people with educations and jobs and common sense, all just agree that bathroom interactions must stop altogether, immediately?  There is absolutely no need for conversations or small talk or even the slightest interaction when we enter a room that is specifically designed for collecting the contents of our bowels.  Moving on. 

So this guy says to me as I'm looking in the mirror, "Imagine if there was someone behind the mirror looking back at you."  I briefly calculated the distance to the door and how quickly I'd need to run to escape this strange man, but after sizing him up, I figured I could probably punch his head right off his neck if given a good enough reason. 

I replied, "Heuh," which is sort of a combination between a questioning "huh?" and a nervous laugh "heh".  I specifically geared my response to end the conversation by acknowledging his ridiculous comment while not really replying one way or the other.  I continued checking my makeup, or whatever, and assumed we were done. 

He continued.  "Wouldn't that be funny?  If there was a person behind the mirror looking back at you." 

I glanced over at him standing at the urinal.  I was once told I should make eye contact with people who are speaking to me.  I made eye contact, he stopped talking, and I started to walk out.  I was halfway out the door when I heard him say, "I guess that would be illegal though." 

I paused in the doorway, which, by the way, is right near a maze of cubicles.  Yes, bathroom stranger, that would in fact be illegal.  I'm pretty sure you would go to jail.  But let's continue talking about this extremely awkward topic in this extremely awkward setting.  Please, keep going.  I'm interested in what you have to say.  I'm enthralled by your choice of words and the way in which you stitch them together to form sentences. 

I decided to end this conversation.  I gave a firm "Yeah," both confirming his legal uncertainty and adding a little extra emphasis for good measure.  And I walked out of the bathroom, away from this strange character, thinking that maybe I should start bringing a weapon when I need to check my makeup.  Or whatever. #entertainment
Reading while waiting Oct 6, 2009
I'm ashamed it took me this long in life to figure this out, but the best way to make time spent in the waiting room at a doctor's office go faster is to bring a good book.  The crappy magazine selection usually doesn't help, but a book that you pick out and that you're interested in magically makes time disappear.  Plus you can totally shove it in your doctor's face when they call you into the back room and you don't respond right away because you're thoroughly immersed in your book.  Take that, stupid doctors. #entertainment
Library borrowing time Sep 1, 2009
My library loans out books for a period of three weeks, which is usually a reasonable amount of time.  Sometimes I'll have a busy schedule and be unable to finish a book in three weeks, but more often it's plenty of time.  For DVDs, the loan period is a week, which is also pretty reasonable.  Some weeks I can't stitch together two consecutive hours to sit on the couch and pay attention to something, but most times it's not a problem. 

The problem comes with video games (which I really shouldn't be complaining about because I've rented, say, $500 worth of video games at $50/game in the past nine months), which the library treats as DVDs and only loans for a week.  I've actually emailed the library about this and presented what I thought was a pretty good argument:  It typically takes about 10-15 hours to complete a video game, and since I'm not a worthless teenager who sits around in a darkened basement and plays for hours on end (I'm older and sit in a well-lit room; also I pay taxes), it usually takes me about 10-15 days to complete.  Add a couple "off" days to that total and you get about three weeks, which is the same loan period as books.  The library kindly answered back saying their relatively small video game collection isn't big enough to let people rent games for that long.  That's a legitimate argument, but I stand by my case. #entertainment
AIC review Aug 31, 2009
One thing I intentionally neglected to say much about in my Chicago trip review was the Art Institute of Chicago.  In general, I don't have much of an appreciation for art, and my experience at this museum was no different.  However, I feel the need to state exactly why I despised this particular place so much. 

First, I'm not in school anymore, so I'm not forced to develop an appreciation for things I already know I don't like, such as poetry, literature, and paintings.  I finally feel comfortable saying that I hate art.  And that's the end of it.  Like anything, you can't develop a taste for it if you already don't like it.  It's like forcing yourself to like the smell of raw sewage.  You don't like it; that's fine; move on.  I already knew I wouldn't like the art museum, and nothing could really change my mind, not even the best painting of a rainbow-puking unicorn.  As parents like to say, my attitude was my decision, and I had fully decided my attitude before anything even happened. 

Second, the museum had a bag check, which was awesome because we had already walked several miles with bags on our backs, so hey at least the stupid art museum could provide me that luxury.  However, they had this finicky little rule about not having any liquids or opened food packages in your bag.  I understand that it's probably so our strange food items don't mix with other people's strange food items and form some sort of food monster that will poop on all the paintings.  Fine.  But we had just come from a natural history museum and an aquarium, neither of which had a bag check or even a bag scan, and both of which stand to lose much more than some stupid paintings.  I could've easily destroyed some dinosaur bones or mummy remains, or I could've given the beluga whales some ecstasy and caused an aquatic nightmare, but I didn't.  So it pissed me off that this stupid art museum (notice a pattern here?) made me check all my food and beverages because they didn't want me to ruin their stupid paintings.  Right from the get-go I caught a scent of elitism. 

Third, we stopped at the photography exhibit because I like taking pictures.  I wouldn't call myself artistic, but I can appreciate a weird picture of an otherwise uninteresting object or view.  We walked into the room, looked at a few pictures, then left 30 seconds later.  I couldn't come up with a better way to express myself, so I said to Wendy, "I could poop out a better picture than that."  And that's a feeling I still stand by.  There were ridiculous pictures of people and simply ugly pictures of dirt and sticks, and to me, I don't care who you are or what you say, that's just not art.  If it is art, I want no part of it. 

Fourth, the museum was likely designed by a blind person on drugs walking upside down, because there were eight different second floors, and none of them were connected.  We walked up a staircase to the second floor, went to where there should have been a hallway, and there was a wall.  This happened several times, and it was like the museum's architect was thinking, "If the person hates art, this will make him hate it even more."  Mission accomplished, idiot. 

So this is my scathing review of a place I shouldn't have gone to in the first place because I hated it before I even knew it existed.  But it had a bunch of Impressionist paintings, and Wendy likes that type of thing.  I tried to do a few impressions of my own, but this joke sadly fell on deaf ears. #entertainment
Recently from the Onion Aug 31, 2009
Two unrelated stories from the Onion:  Increasing Number Of Educators Found To Be Suffering From Teaching Disabilities, and Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years.  That dog lives down the road from me. #entertainment
Signs for signs Aug 27, 2009
There's a sign-printing business near my house that always has signs on its front lawn advertising the signs it creates.  It's a circular reference.  It reminds me of this self-referential sign and these two recent Brevity comics. #entertainment
Planet Earth in the theater Aug 25, 2009
I watch me some Discovery Channel, and as such, I see a lot of commercials for Planet Earth, both the re-aired episodes and the DVD collections.  Despite my aversion to the cost of movie theaters, I would gladly pay $10 to see Planet Earth on the big screen. 

Update:  I really should've seen Disney's Earth while it was in theaters.  It's exactly what I'm looking for, since it included a bunch of footage from Planet Earth. #entertainment
JFK on liberty Aug 17, 2009
John F. Kennedy, from his inaugural address in 1961: 
Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
I'm picturing Braveheart. #entertainment
Highest-grossing movies Jul 30, 2009
Box Office Mojo has lots of lists concerning the economics of movies, including worldwide highest-grossing and domestic highest-grossing, adjusted for ticket price inflation.  It's sad to look at things like this because it says that we humans think movies like Titanic and Pirates of the Caribbean 3 are some of the best movies ever.  But at the same time, I don't think movie earnings are directly related to movie quality.  I think it has a lot to do with weather, boredom, buzz, what else is going on in the world at the time, and what other movies are playing at the time.  For example, summer movies tend to make more money because kids are out of school and families are on vacation.  The Dark Knight was particularly popular because Heath Ledger died a few months before its release.  So it depends on the circumstances.  But it's still unfortunate that so many Johnny Depp movies are in the top ten. #entertainment