Polytools (2) Jan 21, 2009
Whenever I'm performing simple repetitive physical tasks, such as shoveling snow off my driveway or mowing nice even lines into my lawn, I think about how much time I could be saving if, instead of making ten passes with a 21-inch wide lawn mower, I could make a single pass with one giant 210-inch (17.5-foot) lawnmower.  A 17.5-foot lawnmower would obviously be a bit too heavy (and expensive) for my purposes, but a 10-foot wide snow shovel is easily within reach, and would be especially useful for those little two-inch dustings that seem to have been happening recently. #products
Rational thought Jan 21, 2009
I was driving on the illustrious Route 80 with Wendy the other day, going off on one of my typical rants about how people are stupid because they insist on driving in the right lane during rush hour and get annoyed when people try to merge into their lane from the on-ramp, meanwhile ignoring the three other perfectly good (though equally crowded) lanes to drive in, when Wendy simply noted, "Not everyone thinks rationally." 

I laughed.  Not think rationally.  That's funny. 

And then I thought rationally about what she said.  And I realized she's right. 

And I laughed again, not because I think all thoughts are rational, but because I never thought of the idea that some people's minds don't think rationally by default.  To me, the term "rational thought" is synonymous with "thought".  This is why I don't think much about thinking rationally.  It just happens.  I don't say this to brag.  I say this like a person might say they have a limp from a hip injury.  It's there, the end.  For me to differentiate between a rational thought and an irrational thought, I would have to say, "The statement that is about to exit my mouth is an irrational thought." 

Not all thoughts start out rationally.  Feelings and emotions don't usually follow reason or logic, and thoughts are often the nonverbal expression of these irrational ephemera (cool word, eh?).  But that's why we don't just spew our thoughts out into the wild without passing them through a filter.  And it's also why we don't act based on impulses and instincts (most times, anyway).  To do something without thinking rationally is kind of scary, when you think about it rationally. 

In the end, this experience left me feeling like an alien visiting a foreign planet, with Wendy as my interpreter. #psychology
Snow thoughts Jan 21, 2009
It's January in the northeast US, which means snow.  Not a ridiculous amount of snow, but enough to make you want to visit the Middle East during their warm months.  I have a few thoughts on this winter weather phenomenon: 
  • If I had a choice between cold or snow, I would choose snow any day.  Last week the thermometer on my car said "3".  That's beyond cold.  People die in those kinds of temperatures.  A day later, it was 25 and snowing, and I was thoroughly thankful.  Even though it's still a little uncomfortable if you're not dressed properly, at least it looks good and gives you an excuse to sit around and play video games and eat chocolate.
  • People who don't live in areas where it snows regularly might not know that there are different types of snow.  Depending on the temperature (and likely the crystal structure), snow is usually either heavy and wet or light and fluffy.  Wet, heavy snow pretty much sucks.  Since it usually occurs right around 32 degrees, it's often mixed with freezing rain and/or ice.  It's hard to shovel and it tends to stick to certain surfaces like snow shovels and the bottoms of snowboards.  Light, fluffy snow, on the other hand, is a dream come true.  Unfortunately, it usually occurs when it's really cold outside, but it's nice and light and easy to clean up.
  • People are lazy, and it's often hard for them to think of anyone other than themselves.  This is why people don't properly remove the snow from their cars.  Unless you have a tall vehicle like a minivan or a truck, you have no excuse for not being able to clean the snow off the roof of your car.  I don't care if you're short.  Go to Walmart, spend $7, and get one of those telescoping snow removers/ice scrapers.  Because otherwise, as you drive, all the snow from your roof flies onto the windshield of the car in back of you, making the roads more dangerous and killing puppies (this fact was not independently verified).
  • It snowed about 1.5-2 inches the other day, and it was the powdery light kind, which made it ridiculously easy to clean up.  To be clear, 1.5-2 inches of snow isn't much at all.  It's hardly even worth mentioning, except for two things I saw as I drove out of my neighborhood:  One guy was using a snow blower to blow those 2 inches of powdery snow, and another guy was using a plow attached to his pickup truck to clear his driveway, which included him backing out into the street and causing backups.  I wanted to stop my car, roll down my window, and say, "Are you kidding?"
  • Weather reports concerning snow are always wrong.  Not wrong as in "it snowed 5 inches when it said there would be 6," but wrong as in "it snowed 1 inch when it said there would be 2 feet," or "it snowed 2 feet when they said it would surely never snow again, even going so far as to assure us that the sun would beat down so hot upon the surface of the earth that it would melt the continent of Antarctica and cause a worldwide deluge."  People are always crying about holding the media accountable for what they say.  What about all these lying sons-a-weather-reporters?  Buncha jerks.
#nature
Cat run Jan 20, 2009
Most cities have "dog runs," which are fenced-in areas for dogs to run around unleashed, "greeting" other dogs with cold wet noses in uncomfortable places.  This is what a cat run would look like: 
[Image: ny2009012603.gif]
Spot on, New Yorker. #nature
A beef Jan 20, 2009
A "pot roast" was cooking in our slow-cooker all day yesterday.  I say "pot roast" because I don't really know what it is.  I know it's some sort of meat, potatoes, and carrots, and the whole concoction makes your house smell for days.  When I asked Wendy what kind of animal that huge chunk of meat came from, she responded, "It's a beef." #food
Some planes float Jan 20, 2009
US Airways Flight 1549, which crash landed in the Hudson River on January 15, 2009, was an Airbus A-320, and as such was equipped with a "ditching switch" that sealed the plane by closing valves and ventilation ports, thereby enabling it to float.  (via Reddit) #technology
Going over your head (3) Jan 16, 2009
I had my blood tested a few months ago, you know, just to make sure I had enough.  It was a routine test; nothing to worry about.  I got a phone call from my doctor's office when the results came in, and I was told a few of the numbers from the test (3 pints of blood, running low, could use new front tires, etc.).  I wanted to get a copy of the test results because I like to keep track of those sorts of things, but I kept forgetting to stop by my doctor's office, and of course they can't be mailed or faxed because that would make the world stop turning.  This past Monday was one of my many days off work, so I finally went to my doctor.  In the past, I've talked to the receptionist and simply asked for a copy of the results, seeing as how I'm not asking for an explanation or an interpretation.  This time was no different, but the receptionist said she had to ask the doctor to make sure I could have a copy of the results.  This sounded odd, since, you know, it's my blood, but hey I let it slide.  She came back in the room and told me I'd need to see the doctor in order to get the results. 

Before I continue, let me elaborate on my hatred of doctors.  No other profession gets paid a ridiculous amount of money to tell people what they already know.  If I went out on the street and told random people they needed to diet and exercise in order to lower their cholesterol, I would get punched in the face.  But if I put on a white frock and hung a stethoscope around my neck, suddenly I would be paid for this information.  You see, the internet has made doctors pretty much useless.  And they know this, which is why they wield their fascist-esque control of prescription-writing like a secret weapon.  It's all they've got left.  Wikipedia can diagnose pretty much any medical problem you can throw at it, but doctors are the only ones who can give you pills to fix it.  But in order to see a doctor, you have to make an appointment.  And like any service industry, the medical industry only fits into the schedules of the unemployed.  And then there's the waiting room, filled with contagious sick people and crying babies.  And then there's the private doctor-to-patient room, where more waiting occurs, this time while seated on a bench covered with deli paper.  Honestly I don't know why we make appointments in the first place if we know there's a 100% chance we'll end up waiting anyway.  The waiting is followed by uncomfortable questions, groping and prodding, and unnecessarily complicated medical terms ("It appears you have a medial-lateral cranial aberration causing malaise and incommodiousness," i.e. you have a headache), after which we're left alone in the small room while we try to reassemble ourselves and make it look like we weren't just assaulted.  This of course is followed by payment at the front desk, as if we should pay for the convenience and pleasure of visiting a doctor.  My particular type of insurance requires payment each time I see a doctor, whether or not he/she tells me anything useful, and regardless of how long that meeting takes, whether it's an hour or a minute. 

So I was a little pissed.  Pissed like I could've punched my fist through the bulletproof glass that separated me from the receptionist.  Pissed like I couldn't even speak.  I couldn't even form the words I was trying to say to convey how I was feeling.  So I walked out of the building and drove away, listening to loud music to lower my heart rate.  Wendy was with me, and as soon as we got home, she took over.  She called the blood testing facility and simply asked them to mail us the results.  They said ok.  No problem.  No charge.  No questions.  That's it.  It's your blood.  Here are your results.  Finito. 

I got the results in the mail yesterday, and I have to say, I don't think there's a better feeling than going over someone's head to get what you want. #health
Lack of on-demand (1) Jan 13, 2009
Whenever I watch TV or listen to the radio, I'm disappointed by the lack of control.  Sure, I can change the channel or turn it off altogether.  But other than that, I have to make do with what's being broadcast at any given time.  And when I want to watch or listen to a specific thing, I have to wait for the appointed time, which often doesn't fit into my schedule.  It strikes me as odd that two of the major sources of media in the universe still don't offer much (if anything) in terms of on-demand content.  I get my news and weather from the internet, my music and movies are chosen at will (give or take), but to watch the new episode of Numb3rs, I have to watch it at 10pm on Friday, or hope my TV recorder doesn't forget to record it (like it did last week -- thanks, technology).  Yes, there are a few websites out there that offer streaming versions of TV shows for free, but the organization generally sucks, the quality is lacking, and you usually can't watch new stuff until a preset time after initial broadcast.  Why can't I sit on my couch, click a few buttons on my remote, and watch any episode of any season of any show?  I'll sit through your stupid commercials.  Just give me some control. #entertainment
Media appetite (2) Jan 13, 2009
I have a voracious appetite for media consumption.  During the commercial breaks of the NFL playoffs, I finished reading a book, and during halftime I switched over to a video game (which I beat during the second game on Sunday).  Even during the football game, I was looking up the name of that funny black ref who makes very animated gyrations when signaling penalties (Mike Carey) while simultaneously annotating self-professed witticisms on this very topic.  I think I should start a support group. #entertainment
Video games like movies (1) Jan 13, 2009
I've been playing some video games lately which, because of the rich graphics and detailed storyline, make it seem like I'm watching a movie where I occasionally push some buttons on the controller to open doors or shoot aliens, but the action will continue and the storyline will come to completion whether I participate or not.  This seems like a bad thing because it takes the interactivity out of a game, which is essentially the purpose of a video game in the first place, but it makes for some amazingly awesome video games. #entertainment