Cryptic voicemail (1) Jul 18, 2007
I would say there are 3 types of voicemail:  Nothing voicemail, something voicemail, and cryptic voicemail. 

Nothing voicemail sounds like this:  "Hey, I was just calling to see what's up.  Give me a call back sometime if you get a chance."  With this kind of voicemail, the intentions are clear ("see what's up"), a response is optional ("if"), and the time frame is relaxed ("sometime"). 

Something voicemail sounds like this:  "Hi, I have a question about XYZ.  Give me a call back when you get a chance."  In this case, the intentions are clear ("question about XYZ"), a response is recommended ("when"), and the time frame is somewhere between relaxed and urgent ("when you get a chance"). 

Cryptic voicemail sounds like this:  "Hello, I have something important to talk to you about.  Call me back sometime today.  I'll be up till midnight."  This time the intentions are quite unclear ("something important"), a response is critical, and the time frame is immediate ("today ... till midnight").  This is the kind of voicemail I got from my dad last week (sorry Dad, I couldn't let this go).  When you hear a voicemail like this, thoughts go immediately downhill.  Did someone die?  Did someone's house burn down?  Did an alien abduct my sister's baby?  Any of these things are possibilities with a message like this.  If it wasn't an important thing, I wouldn't need to call back in such a specific time frame.  If it wasn't all that serious, you would've just said what you wanted to say.  But since you left out major important details and basically gave me an ultimatum, I was forced to fill in the blanks, and that didn't go so well. 

The problem with cryptic voicemail is that Wendy and I get at least one per week from her mom.  Every message goes something like this:  "Hi, Wendy?  It's mommy.  I need to talk to you about something.  Call me back as soon as you can."  Wendy comes from an interesting family where bad stuff happens all the time.  Somebody dies or loses their job or gets in a car accident all the time.  So getting a cryptic message like that is a little unsettling.  Wendy usually goes through a list of possibilities, all of which cause an unhealthy amount of stress, worry, and stomach pain.  But when Wendy calls back, her mom usually says something about her cat throwing up on the couch or her senior citizen neighbor making advances towards her.  While these are significant events, they don't warrant the use of a cryptic voicemail. #technology
Pizza volume Jul 17, 2007
How to calculate the volume of a pizza: 
pizzavolume.png
(via Neatorama ... sorta) #math
Pot-smoking principal (3) Jul 16, 2007
Last week, an elementary school principal in Oregon was found smoking pot in a state park.  A big oops for a school administrator, an even bigger oops for a school district that won a supreme court case about requiring its athletes to take drug tests.  But the worst part of the story is that the guy will keep his job.  School Superintendent Kenneth Cox made this bumblingly stupid statement: 
"We'd be shooting ourselves in the foot if we said, 'Well, you made this mistake, and we're going to find someone else for the job.'"
Mr. Cox, that's exactly what you're supposed to do!  The guy messed up, he broke the law, and he needs to lose his job.  To hold a double standard like that is not only ridiculous, it should mean the end of your job as well. 

I'm not usually a fan of cops because they go through red lights and speed all over the place "in the name of protecting our streets", but County Sheriff Tom Bergin is absolutely right: 
"What's he going to tell them:  'It's OK for me to do it, but you can't.' This whole thing is so upsetting."
I'm not hoping for the death sentence for this guy, I'm just hoping for a bit of fairness.  If any other idiot got caught smoking pot, he'd probably pay a fine, maybe spend a night in jail, and be on some sort of probation.  He certainly wouldn't keep his 6-figure job where he's in direct daily contact with children. #entertainment
Friday afternoon Jul 16, 2007
I love when people at work contact me on a Friday afternoon to get a bunch of work done in a short amount of time.  It usually has something to do with traveling the following week or an important meeting on Monday morning.  As a moderately loyal, kinda hardworking employee, I usually do the work and keep the complaints to myself.  But one day, I'm gonna lose it, and among the many harmful and most likely illegal things I'll do, one of them is to announce this to the whole world:  "Poor planning or judgment on your part does not necessitate an emergency on my part." #business
Science of gay Jul 13, 2007
A few quick interesting facts about gay people: 
  1. They have a 50% greater chance of being left-handed or ambidextrous than straight men or women.
  2. About 23% have counterclockwise hair whorls (a.k.a. toilet [technical term]), compared to 8% in the general population.
  3. The index fingers of most gay men are longer than their ring fingers, and for most women they are the same length or shorter.  Straight men and lesbians tend to have reversed ratios.
(via Neatorama) #science
Spoken numbers Jul 12, 2007
I remember hearing a comedian talk about how people mess up saying their phone number out loud.  As Americans with 10-digit phone numbers, we expect a spoken format like this: 
1,2,3 ... 4,5,6 ... 7,8,9,0
The comedian said he was talking to someone who offered to give him their phone number.  It went like this: 
1,2,3,4 ... 5 ... 6,7,8,9,0
I just had a similar experience with my credit card number.  I called a place to pay a bill over the phone, and I gave them my credit card number like this: 
1,2,3,4 ... 5,6,7,8 ... 1,2,3,4 ... 5,6,7,8
Credit card numbers are conveniently divided into 4 groups of 4 digits for that exact reason (or so I would presume) (except American Express, but they're stupid).  After I gave the woman my number, she read it back to me to verify.  It went like this: 
1,2,3 ... 4,5,6 ... 7,8,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8
My head almost exploded.  How could someone come to the conclusion that reading a group of 16 digits in that way would be even close to logical?  I realize not everybody thinks like me, but give me a break.  This is ridiculous.  Sometimes I think things happen just to mess with me. 

Another similar thing happened twice today as I payed other bills over the phone (their stupid websites were broken).  I received a confirmation number from that automated electronic lady that navigates you through all those stupid phone menus.  The first one wasn't too bad; it was 6 digits, which is short enough to not divide into separate parts: 
3,4,9,8,2,5
But even though it was short, I could barely follow it because it came out of her mouth (or whatever she talks out of) like an explosion.  Of course it took about 2 minutes for her to get through stating my 16-digit credit card number, but it took about 0.5 seconds to give me the 6-digit verification number.  It was less of a "3,4,9,8,2,5" and more like a "349825".  A few minutes later, I payed a different bill over the phone and was given a 9-digit verification number.  It was no less than twice as ridiculous.  I started writing it down and could barely keep up.  Plus, I had no idea when it would end.  What an experience. 

Update (2007-08-20 10:46am):  I just realized this is very similar to this. #language
Hand soap (1) Jul 12, 2007
Hand soap, harvested from fields of little children! 
handsoap.jpg
Freaky!  (via Neatorama) #products
Bubble gum Jul 11, 2007
When I was a kid, I would sometimes go food shopping with my mom.  On very few occasions, I was able to convince her that buying me a pack of bubble gum would make my life complete and prevent me from ever wanting anything again.  The following few days, I would slowly chew those 5 or 6 pieces of rectangular goodness like they were my last meal on death row.  I wasn't much into sharing, so I would stash my gum away in a secret place and chew it silently.  I was always amazed at the kids who dished out their bubble gum like it was a high five.  "Their parents must be rich," I thought. 

Bubble gum became kind of juvenile as I got older.  I got more into the mints and cinnamons because those types of gum served a purpose:  Fresh breath.  Bubble gum was a novelty item; it didn't do anything but provide the ability to blow bubbles.  How childish. 

But after I got out of college, I got back into bubble gum because, let's face it, it's awesome.  I always keep a pack in my car, and I chew it gladly and openly.  Who's gonna stop me?  I'm past the point of acting my age so I appear more mature.  And I snagged me a wife, so I'm good there too (actually, Wendy likes bubble gum just as much as I do).  From an economic standpoint, it's one of the few items left on the planet which can be bought for less than $1.  From an enjoyment standpoint, it's one of the smallest actions that can produce such great joy. #food
Jersey Shore slang Jul 10, 2007
Two words get brought up every time I set foot on a beach in New Jersey: 
Benny - A benny is simply a tourist visiting the Jersey Shore.  Locals like to say things like, "Go home, Benny!"  Bennies make the Jersey Shore the nightmare that it is.  The term probably came from one of the following: 
  1. An abbreviation of where many visitors come from:  Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, and New York
  2. Paying with $100 bills (Benjamins)
  3. Crossing the Ben Franklin Bridge in Philadelphia
  4. Jews named Benjamin who settled in nearby Lakewood
Shoobie - A shoobie is also simply a tourist visiting the Jersey Shore.  The term probably came from the fact that many tourists in the early 1900s brought all the day's belongings in a shoe box. 
#travel
Pony Jul 10, 2007
A pony is a specific breed of horse that usually doesn't grow larger than 5 feet (measure from foot to shoulder).  I, like many people, have been under the impression that a pony is a baby horse that later becomes a full-grown horse.  This is wrong.  A pony is a horse like a retriever is a dog. #nature